Listen to Francesca Leader read her poem “Troll Baby” published in Shō No. 3: Revival Issue (Summer/Fall 2023).
About this Poem: “Troll Baby” was one of these poems that spilled out. I made very few edits to the initial draft, though I did take four or five passes at the final couplet to get it to land right. The poem is based on one of many story-shaped lies my mother used to tell me as a child, whether to protect, entertain, intimidate, or for some more nebulous reason rooted in her own childhood trauma. The troll baby story was one that always confused and upset me. On the one hand, it made me feel special; on the other, it implied that my mother would have preferred an “easy” child over a special one. It also contributed to a lasting insecurity about my physical appearance. Even now, when my mother—or anyone else, for that matter—compliments me for looking pretty or beautiful, I still struggle with the notion of a troll-like inhumanity marring my features. I believe my mother meant no harm. She teased me in a manner that would have been fun and playful between peers, but I was her child. I needed her unconditional love and acceptance. I never received it. Writing honestly about this has been an important part of forgiving my mother, and rebuilding our parent-child relationship on more even footing.
Francesca Leader is a self-taught xillenial writer originally from Western Montana. Her first babysitter was a Siberian husky named Panda. She has won a few awards, and published a poetry chapbook, Like Wine or Like Pain, available from Bottlecap Press. She lives in Virginia with her three children and her tuxedo cat. Learn more about her work at mooninabucket.com.